I was born in 1982 and was only 4 years old when an incident happened which moulded me like how I am today. As I was too small, I really do not remember the real trigger for the incident. I have faint memory of the incident but my parents, specially my father, always have been reciting this incident whenever they describe who their child really is.
The incident goes like this ......
I was scolded by my father for something. Though I was only 4 years old, I retaliated by confronting him that I have not done it so he can't scold me. I also showed my anger by displacing things in my room.
This was me at the age of 4. My parents took that incident as a learning and became watchful in dealing with me.
Till date, I have never ever been beaten by my parents. For us, Indians, this may be surprising as parents do beat up kids a bit. I take my dignity and respect very seriously. To me someone touching me is a strict 'NO NO'. Mistake or no mistake, no one can touch me and beat me up. Because it's my right to not allow anyone to beat me.
This does not mean, I do not admit my mistakes. I am actually often times the first one to admit my mistake. Also, if it's my mistake, I take shouting. But this is true only when it's my mistake. I do not allow people to unnecessary shout at me or scold me. No one has the right to.
I remember another incident which happened when I was 9 years old. Due to some reason my father was about to slap me. I responded that if he does, I will leave house and hence he has a choice to make. Till date, He never tried that on me again.
My parents and my upbringing played a big role in me choosing to speak up every time it matters. My parents created an open and free environment. They encouraged us to be bold and speak up what's in our mind.
My father will recite Ramayana and Geeta for us daily and give us examples of truth, wisdom and courage depicted by characters of these epics. He also encouraged me to always take side of the right and challenge wrong. Sometimes his teachings to me boomeranged on him. He will do wrong and I always have been the first person to raise my voice and raise it strongly.
My attitude to speak up continued also in my school. I was very very vocal on the quality of teaching imparted by my teachers and will not shy away from triggering action if they fail to deliver. Also, I hated teachers who used to scold using foul language or use sticks for beating up students. I encouraged most of them to understand my point but did not shy away from taking them to task if they did not fall in line.
I do want to mention one incident. Here was a teacher and a senior management member who started teaching us. He will beat students left right and center for their small mistakes. He also started introducing weird rules. Our half yearly exams used to get announced just a week before and he made exams to happen back to back with no breaks in between. It proved to be very stressful for us. No one could object to him. Not even teachers including class teacher. His behavior irritated me. Made me angry.
I decided to speak up. I walked up to the principal and senior management and presented student's perspective with facts. Also, I explained how the whole episode is impacting school's image. Few months of efforts paid off and the person understood his mistakes and corrected his behavior.
Important point to be noted here is I decided to fight the wrong doing in a very amicable and respectful manner. I did not gossip around to my fellow students and spread negativity. I always believe that if intent is to resolve an issue then the best thing is to address root cause. Also, important is to engage with people who are responsible and with people who can do anything about the feedback. Talking to people who can not help you may well be considered a wasted attempt and in many cases gossip. It also is an indicator that you are weak.
The school remembered my contributions and was grateful. Many people given my scenario would have left school and could have talked negative. This behavior fetches nothing.
I did not change my attitude even during my engineering and in my 10 years of IT career. I am known to be a flag bearer of standing with the right and standing against wrong. I have also learned how to do it right and create a win win situation.
One thing experience has taught me is that there are people with different styles and with different personality. Just because they are different, does not mean they are wrong. Hence, I have become more accommodative of styles and personalities but this does not mean I compromise with the wrong. It means that I work hard with the individual involved to create a win win situation without showing any sign of weakness. When you challenge wrong, you cannot be weak even if other person believes you to be weak.
My work experience has loads of incidences where in I have stood against wrong and stood up for the right without harming anyone. When I started my career in a contractor model with a bunch of other independent contractors, work life wasn't smooth. As everyone was a boss, there were culture issues,attitude issues, language issues, disciplinary issues and above all there were issues of trust with few as well.
Here I was in this model, a person who had never used slang language, a person who has never hidden facts and a person who did not want to manipulate. I did not give up. My fellow contractors understood that they need to respect boundaries when they deal with me. None could dare to use slang language or raise their voice with me unnecessarily. None could teach me wrong habits.
Infact, my mentor who came to lead the team to a better model started working to create a better work environment and everyone steadily fell in line and did so willingly. I remember only couple struggled and hence left.
I have spent 9 years at the same workplace but this doesn't mean things have been hunky-dory. With the team expanding, new faces always bring challenges. It's a huge task to make new hires adapt to company's culture and standards. This is true even for hires at leadership positions. I was working with an executive who was newly appointed and for 1 year we had conflicts over styles, attitude and culture. Some aspects of his style did not go good with people and hence work place conflict was at its high.
All people who had in them to deal with conflicts, spoke up and worked with the executive to create a win win situation. The executive was also very receptive enough and lacked ego. It took a year, but soon he became inspiration for many and I grew a very strong relationship with him.
For all the young people who feel the need to keep things under the carpet, who chose to not speak up, who chose to get negative and make their surrounding negative and who get into gossips,the above incident is a good example. If you really care about work culture, standards, behaviours and if you are a thorough professional you will fight your way to win. You will work with individuals responsible to bring change for better. Becoming part of a herd which takes wrong sides will neither benefit you nor the heard. It will show your sign of weakness.
If you have friends, colleagues, peers, leads, managers who talk about all the things they see wrong to everyone but the person responsible and everywhere but where it is necessary, you have a weak angle. Such people will never be there to stand up for the right and will never be there when you need them. Encourage them to drive a change in their attitude or least keep distance from them. They will unnecessary make you negative too.
When you see wrong, challenge it appropriately and professionally. There isn't a need to get into cat fight, nobody wins in a cat fight. See things in perspective and drive a constructive change. Have the courage to raise issues, propose solutions and follow through until issues are resolved. Have the courage to take problem head on constructively and not destructively. Don't send anonymous emails, letters, flood anonymous reviews. If your intent is to resolve then evolve over these pity habits and fight like a warrior. Remember right will always win so you do not need to be nervous and anonymous. You will encourage many others to speak up and take side of the right. You will encourage constructive criticism and encourage people to be good critic.
More to come in this series ....soon ...
Keep Speaking Up!!!!
Umesh
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